Lost
by exiledasrogue
Summary: I'm so lost. And I hate it. Mattie… please… please… help me find my way. I don't want to be lost anymore. Late night melancholiness. PruCan ishy, not necessarily. Could be viewed as friendship.


I stumbled wearily into the living room and was rather surprised by the utter stillness I was met with. It was obvious that Gilbert was still in the room- his shock of white hair couldn't be missed- but the complete sense of _life_ that I had come to associate with him was missing. Gilbert was sitting sideways on the armchair, facing the window. His knees were tucked up under his chin with his arms wrapped around him.

The aching, lost look he wore terrified me.

"Gilbert?"

No reply.

_"Gilbert?"_ A little more urgently.

Still no reply.

Carefully, I approached him, my socked feet padding quietly against the plush carpet. I sank to my knees next to his chair and stared at his face, searching for a clue as to what could possibly be wrong.

He didn't even turn towards me.

_"Gil?"_ My voice cracked. A tear threatened the edge of my eyelid.

Somewhere, deep down, I had always known that Gilbert was a fragile creature. I hadn't know what could break him, but I knew that to a certain point he had already been broken. The world was just waiting for him to shatter.

A sharp tremor ran down his body, and his head jolted around to face me. Our eyes locked.

The room was still once more.

"Do… do you ever get lost?"

I didn't reply, silently begging him to elaborate, hoping that this would be something that I could understand and help him and maybe he could help me because really we were _both_ lost.

"It's the… the worst feeling in the world. Being alone. Not knowing where you are, or where you're going, or why you're even trying to get there. It's so hopeless. It's so easy to think that there's not even a point in trying.

"It's even worse when you lose yourself. And it's so easy to do. To lose sight of who you are, who you want to be. When dreams are so real they're worse than reality and everything loses focus because you can't tell what is true and what isn't. When nightmares are better than waking up because then at least you know there's an escape.

"Sometimes I just want to stop, but I can't. If you stop there's no going back and who's to say what the right choice is? Is there even such a thing as being right or wrong? There's just pain and a lack of pain. That thing people call _happiness?_ I've yet to comprehend it. And it's just so _hard._

"Sleeping terrifies me. How do you know when you've actually woken up? But you can't just not sleep- you can never win. No matter what, the dreams will take over and then it's even worse than it would've been. There's no way out except completely out.

"And how do we know that that would take us where we want to go? There are no guarantees in life. And I'm so _lost_. And I hate it. Mattie… please… _please…_ _help me find my way._ I don't want to be lost anymore."

And I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. Not at that very point when someone _needed _me. But he was so right and he was asking help from the wrong person.

Very vaguely, I could remember glimpses of golden sunshine and blue seas and green forests. That was my childhood and that was my beginning, my starting point, the beginning of my path, and I had started out right. I had started out _happy_.

But those were just memories and they faded each day and the light they shone on any idea of where I was supposed to go was long gone. I had been lost almost as long as Gilbert had been and I didn't know how to help myself, much less him.

Except… our paths had _collided_. And maybe they would merge and become one, maybe they'd turn opposite directions, and maybe they'd run alongside each other with barely an inch between them for the rest of eternity. There was no telling.

But for a short period of time, our two paths had _collided, _and _merged,_ and we were _one_, set for the same destination; Estimated Arrival Time: Forever.

So for at least the time we had together, maybe we could forge a path together until I found the golden sunshine and blue seas and green forests again and Gilbert found whatever is was he could call _happiness_ to shine the light on his path.

_"We will find a way. We won't be lost forever."_


End file.
